I came across an article on grief, a subject that’s not often written upon. We all know stock phrases to say when we come across a person who is grieving the loss of a spouse or parent: “At least, they’re in a better place;” “How are you doing?” None of these are helpful, yet there are better things to say and do.
The article by Kristen Sturt is “The 5 worst things to say after someone dies—and what to say instead.” It is a quick yet incisive read on what to say to a grieving person. You may find it at https://considerable.com/contributor/kristen-sturt/
She points out that saying “You’re so strong” is meant to be supportive, yet the message is that you are weak if you show you are suffering. A statement like “At least they went fast,” or “At least you had a good marriage” tells the grieving person that they should just stop hurting and look at the bright side.
Sturt quotes Dr. Peter Lichtenberg, director of the Institute of Gerontology at Wayne State University. Dr. Lichtenberg lost two wives before the age of 55. He reports that grief comes in waves. When a person thinks they are through it, ready to experience hope and happiness it can snap the person right back into the depths of hurt. His advice is to simply show the person you care and that you accept whatever it is they are experiencing or struggling with.
For a more in-depth, personal experience on the subject, Dr. Lichtenberg Wrote” Grief and Healing: Against the Odds.” You can find it here: https://www.opentohope.com/grief-and-healing-against-the-odds/
Dr. Lichtenberg shows how showing that you care for a grieving person is by itself, an immense help. That is especially true if the person reacts angrily to you. Don’t respond in kind. Anger can be part of grief. Don’t give up.
